Sexualiser Crainte
by WishfullyThinking
Summary: This should be rated M, but whatever. There is nothing for the pairing. Basically, Napoleon and Capone are sent to the museum of natural history, and Napoleon is being hunted by a certain Italian mobster. Has a few 1940s slang. Some French and Italian. Cursing, Gay sex, almost-rape. Stuff like that. Enjoy. Don't mind this summary, it's better inside. Reviews would be appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

**There is literally NOTHING of this pairing.**

**Hello, this is WishfullyThinking, coming in with a batch of WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.**

**Anyways, I kinda wanted to do this ship when I saw that little wrestling scene between Capone and Napoleon. **

**Felt really weird to write this. ANYWAYS;**

**I know this has a really shitty sex scene in it. Whatever.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

In the great halls of the Smithsonian, a scream could be heard.

Multiple French soldiers began to scatter, the monochromatic Italian gangsters appearing out of know where from the darkness, firing their machine-guns wildly, the sound of shattering glass accompanying the screams.

Napoleon hissed in anger, nursing a cut on his palm, attempting not to make a sound as the gangsters slowly passed. He wished he did not get himself into such situations.

At this point, Napoleon had no idea why he was still awake. He, and many other museum attractions had been moved to the Museum of Natural History for whatever reason, most likely the fact that they had found their attractions to have moved and changed expression. The only thing Napoleon had known that he had woken up, still tangled into a wrestling match with the Italian gangster. There was the slight taste of blood in his mouth, most likely from getting sucker-punched when he awoke. He cursed silently in French, peering out slightly from the crates. Tip-toeing across the polished floors, he managed to make two steps before something slammed into his neck, successfully causing him to lose consciousness. Napoleon was able to make out a few words through his delirium, the Italian insults lost on him, however he knew Corsican, which was quite similar but not the same.

"The boss… love this…"

"Fuckin'… French stronzo…"

Napoleon knew that this might be his end. Or maybe not. Could he die again? He could certainly feel pain as something wrapped around his arms and legs, most likely coarse rope. But he indeed relaxed when he felt a bed underneath him. Maybe he would be able to relax before he died. Again.

He was faintly aware that there was shouting from across the room as his petticoat was unbuttoned, which caused a subtle revulsion to go through his body.

"Congedo lui, lasciare noi essere!" He heard from a particularly familiar voice. "Get out before I bust yer' chops, fuckin' book yah, s'what'll do…." There was a faint rustle, the sounds of the gangsters leaving the room. There was a sigh, the shutting of a door.

Napoleon was aware that the Italian was coming closer, the fact that he sat down on the bed beside him almost made him jump. He had to remain quiet, that's what.

"Yer' no call-girl, I'll give you that." Capone murmured, brushing the short bangs from Napoleon's eyes, receiving an involuntary twitch of fear. Napoleon could hear the slight chuckle of amusement from the man above him, fear rising in his stomach. He opened his eyes, attempting to free himself, finding that his bindings were quite secure indeed. The Italian mobster above him seemed to be amused, expecting this reaction.

"Lâche-moi vous bâtard italien!" Napoleon cursed, struggling quite a few more minutes before relaxing back into the bed, exhausted by his efforts. He felt a cool palm on his forehead, the Italian looking him in the eye with an expression the Frenchman could not identify.

"You're welcome, y'know." Said Capone, taking off his monochromatic fedora, setting it on a nearby nightstand. Napoleon was confused. Was this another exhibit at the museum? Was there a bit of storage underground holding this? He shook his head, glaring at the Italian.

"For what?! Tying me up to a bed? Punching me in the face?!" He screeched in anger, his voice going up in pitch. Capone seemed insulted, leaning over the Frenchman in a menacing fashion.

"I. Saved. Your. Life. Dolly, I could've let my boys drop yah, but I didn't." He hissed, resisting the urge to throttle the man under him. Napoleon shrinked under that gaze, but his temper was still as high as ever.

"So what? Crétin!" He hissed, "Perhaps your mother should be called in to spank the idiocy out of you!"

The Italian paused, a smirk slowly appearing on his face.

"Y'know, that sounds like a kickin' idea!" He snorted, flipping the Frenchman over painfully, startling him as he pulled down his trousers, chucking at the undergarments he had on.

"W-what are you doing?! Get off!" Napoleon shouted, struggling once more against his bonds, his face slowly going pink.

"Just followin' your advice, brainchild." He whispered in the Frenchman's ear, and with a sudden jerk, spanked Napoleon's rear end. Napoleon jumped underneath him, squirming more than ever, his face slowly turning red.

Another spank.

"Ach! Stop!"

Spank!

"Get off me! N-"

Spank!

"S-S'il vous plait!"

"I dunno what that means. Nope."

Spank! Spank! Spank!

"Nooon!"

The spanking stopped abruptly when the Italian mobster found that the man he had been punishing had begun to sweat, his face a cherry-red, biting his lip.

"Guess I gave it to you, didn't I?" He snorted, allowing the Frenchman to flip over on his back.

"Imbécile," He grunted, Capone finally noticing the Frenchman's tented trousers, "You did indeed 'gave it to me.'"

The Mobster paused, not sure how to continue with this. Okay, so he accidentally made the Frenchman's Johnson kick, eh? Well, maybe he meant to excite him a little, but in anger, not in… this. An idea hatched before his eyes, smirking down at the Frenchman below.

"…. You want me to take care of that?"


	2. Chapter 2

Napoleon's eyes went wide, embarrassment and fear crawling up his face.

"N-non, I am perfectly fine, I can handle this."

"Ey, it's no problem, see." The Italian mobster's hand went to his trousers, pulling back the garment, allowing his 'johnson' to spring out, causing the general to jerk in pleasure. "M' not a fruit, but I can help a man out from time to time."

His fingertips trailed down the Frenchman's member, causing a bated breath to come from the man below.

"C-Capone…" Napoleon hissed in both anger and annoyance, "I **hate** being toyed with…"

The Italian grinned, gripping his member hard, causing the man underneath to gasp out, thrusting himself up into that hand. Suddenly, the Italian bent his head, quickly kissing the head of the Frenchman's erection, which caused him to gasp. Capone took a few minutes doing this, teasing and toying with him, thrusting his fingers and giving him kitten licks. Capone himself was confused while doing this. Maybe it was because he hadn't had any action in a while. Or maybe he had a thing for short men.

Angling Capone's head, the air shot out the Frenchman's mouth as his tongue circled the head, the tip digging into the sensitive spot just beneath.

"Aah! Capone!" Moaned the General, struggling once again with his bonds, biting his lip to a point he thought it would bleed. Capone chuckled, kissing the underside, his pants seeming to shrink as he worked on these ministrations which caused the Frenchman to cry out. Soon, the Italian could not bear it any long, tearing off the Frenchman's clothes, ignoring his pleas and shouts, which only caused his own erection to pulse happily.

Eventually, his began to pull off his suit, careful not to tear anything, knowing all too well that the Frenchman was watching him, despite acting as if he didn't want this.

Unexpectedly, the Italian flipped him over, exposing his bare ass to the world.

"What are you doing?!" The Frenchman squealed as he felt something probe at his opening. He hadn't expected this, perhaps a blowjob while the gangster pleasured himself. Of course, he knew there were darker things Capone could do to him, but he didn't wish to traumatize himself. At first the intrusion was painful, something strange and foreign, before he felt himself relaxing. The intrusion thrusted in and out, causing him to shudder and plead to the Italian, both to stop and to continue. He still had his pride, apparently. Suddenly it stopped, another pleasurable sensation striked up his back as a wet, probing intrusion entered him, causing him to mewl in pleasure.

"N-No! Stop!"

"Consider this payment for me saving your life." Murmured the Italian, taking his mouth away for a moment, the Frenchman missing that intrusion deeply. Suddenly, the weight on the mattress disappeared. Napoleon watched as the gangster walked over to a box, rummaging in it a few moments before coming up with a bottle of olive oil, which Capone had found from the night guard's lunch one night.

The Frenchman shivered in what was to happen as the Italian slowly approached the bed once more, his erection proudly standing at attention. The Frenchman bit his lip, closing his eyes to what was to come.

There was the sound of something being squirted, most likely from that bottle. Soon, the Frenchman felt another intrusion, most likely a finger again, slowly being thrusted in and out. Napoleon shivered and gasped as another finger joined, and another. Soon, Capone guessed this was as ready as he could make the general. The fingers were gone in an instant, the Frenchman being flipped onto his back once more.

"Pick a side, would you?!" Napoleon hissed, obviously angered. He was silenced, however, when he noticed that Capone was covering his own member with the olive oil, making sure it was slick enough before glancing back at the Frenchman, a mischievous smirk on his face. He readied himself at his opening, pushing in slowly.

"No-! What- Aah!" Napoleon moaned, the sensation of his nether regions being split apart causing him extreme pain.

"Relax or this'll hurt more." Whispered Capone, gently kissing his ear. Napoleon was surprised by this gentleness, and relaxed somewhat, whimpering in pain as the mobster finally had his entire length inside of him.

"M'gonna start moving now." He whispered, slowly pulling out, causing another gasp from the man below. Soon he created a rhythm to which both of them enjoyed. Napoleon gasped out in pleasure, wishing his arms were free so he could hold on to dear life, his toes curling to a point where they hurt. Capone nuzzled his head into the shorter man's neck, biting and nipping at his flesh, going faster. Pleasure was everywhere, and nothing considerably mattered at that point.

"C-Capone!" He grunted as he felt something graze his prostate, his back arching off of the bed. Suddenly, his orgasm erupted, coating both of their stomachs. Feeling this sudden tightening, the Italian grunted, thrusting in once more before coming as well, filling the Frenchman with warmth. He slipped out, rolling beside the Frenchman for a moment, the two riding out their orgasms. For a few moments there was peace, until there was a knocking at the door.

"Hey guys, it's almost sun— oh my god." Larry Daley peered in, intending to remind them that the sun was to come up soon. He hadn't expected an Italian mobster and a French general naked in bed together. "Yeah… I see you're busy, so I'll… yeah…"

The two looked at each other, cracking smiles before being lolled to sleep.


End file.
